Mueller report sends a shocked internet into a hilarious frenzy

Robert Muller finally filed his report on Friday, and the internet had some takes.
Robert Muller finally filed his report on Friday, and the internet had some takes.
Image: REX/Shutterstock

It’s finally Mueller Time and no one knows what the fuck is happening. 

Special counsel Robert Mueller finally delivered his report to Attorney General William Barr on Friday. The report investigates Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election and has been a point of contention in Trump’s two-year-long term. 

As soon as news broke late Friday afternoon, Twitter users went into full meltdown mode and began sharing their hot takes. 

While we’d all love to see what’s inside the report, don’t get your hopes up. Mueller’s report will not be released to the public, at least immediately. Barr, however, is slated to submit a summary of the report to Congress

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Meme asks what if Robert Mueller is just procrastinating?

He has the Google doc open.
He has the Google doc open.
Image: Andrew Burton / Getty Images

As we all anxiously await the Mueller report, a curious theory has emerged: What if Robert Mueller, special counsel of the Russia investigation and former director of the FBI, is just procrastinating?

On a Friday afternoon — a great time to put off work — a lot of people wrote tweets about what Mueller might be up to in his procrastination hole. Sure, they might have done these tweets instead of doing their jobs, but that only makes the tweets better and more appropriate. (I say this because I participated.)

Anyway, we’re sure Mueller will send over his report once he gets back from his bike ride, makes a batch of chickpea stew, and does a few ten-minute YouTube workouts.

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The Scantron meme is a clever nod to finals week

Image: Getty Images

Scantrons are the bane of any student’s existence. But this meme might make them a little less nerve wracking. 

If you went through any sort of school system, you probably had to use a Scantron form to take a test. After agonizing over a multiple choice question, you scratched in what you hoped was the right answer with a No. 2 pencil and prayed to the standardized testing gods that you won’t get hit with a fuchsia incorrect mark.  

But the horrible test sheets are now a beautiful ASCII meme. The Scantron meme imagines a variety of characters attempting to take a multiple choice test in the only ways they know how, like this dolphin. 

Or mid-2000s Gwen Stefani. 

Since Thursday, the meme has taken over Twitter feeds. 

There were even crossovers with the “They live among us” meme, which banishes sinners like stoners to the depths of Scantron-less hell. 

If hell doesn’t have standardized tests, though, it doesn’t sound so bad. 

Some Twitter users leaned into Twitter’s formatting mess.

But Twitter’s formatting is still easier than dealing with the crushing anxiety of a multiple choice test.

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Dog destroys his local news interview

Some dogs were just born to be on camera.

One pup, Stanley the Collie, recently made a big splash on Network 10 Perth, a local news station located in Western Australia.

Just look at how he commands control of the conversation. And please, turn the volume up if you can to hear the chomp.

Here’s how the collie’s owner described the pup’s viral moment:

“Not to underwhelm you, but he didn’t do much,” Stanley’s owner, alicmack, wrote on Imgur. “A funny video of him went viral online and it was deemed newsworthy in my sweet, sleepy town.

Stanley is now one of the top posts on r/gifs, with over 49,900 upvotes.

Look at the video that made him web famous. He has a deeply intuitive understanding of balls.

Someone please make this pup an influencer, stat. He needs book deals, promotions, his own doggie clothing line. Stanley the Collie commanded that interview. He seized control of the mic, literally and figuratively.

He’s a doggo model. This is a puppy thirst trap.

He knows his angles.

Werk:

Internet, please make this pup a star. Thank you in advance!

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Julia Louis-Dreyfus turns the air blue talking about 'Veep' and its impact on her, um, vocabulary

Anyone who’s ever watched an episode of Veep will know that it’s absolutely riddled with deliciously foul language. 

And it appears that Selina Meyer’s love of swearing has rubbed off on Julia Louis-Dreyfus in real life. 

“We use really intensely foul language on Veep, there’s a lot of swearing and I’ve gotten quite used to that,” Louis-Dreyfus told Seth Meyers. “I’ve gotten very used to using that language and I have to check myself because most people, of course, aren’t used to that. 

“So, I’m like, you know, ‘Can I have some more of that motherfucking, cock-sucking maple syrup?'” 

I think the air just turned blue. 

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